I really dread this time of year, not only are the holidays over & all of the fun with family, but it's also cold, snowy & January. I started to cringe at 12:01am on Friday, January 1st. January brings a lot of sorrow into my life & I have been counting down the days to the anniversary of Carter's death. It started this past Tuesday when I realized there were 13 days left, then 12...11....10 is where I'm at today. I don't remember conciously doing that last year, but I think it's my way of preparing for it. Yes I am sad everyday of the year & I do somewhat dread his birthday & other holidays, but nothing is worse than remembering the day your baby died.
I miss him terribly & know that I will once again be reunited with my youngest son, when my time on Earth is done. Until then my mission is to advocate for babies, in hopes that any parent I meet will not have to endure the guilt, shame & grief that I have felt since his death.
